Actually, first some background on this post... I came up with the idea for the post sitting in the small and astonishingly bleak dorm room of a friend of mine. With my legs crossed and the fabric of my jeggings plastered to my legs due to the heat, I wrote down "PBP.." as the title in my notebook. My new thing is carrying around a notebook so I can keep ideas in one place. Honestly, I have been meaning to do this for a while now, but never really got around to it. Anyway, I wrote down PBP (which stands for "potential blog post") and thought about it. It had been a while since I had posted and I wanted to write something that I was interested in. A hand brushed up against mine and I would look up to find myself staring into the eyes of someone I had secretly lusted after for months. He glanced at the notebook, smiling and asked me what I was writing.
The idea popped into my head as I quickly brought my head down to avoid his gaze. I quickly, but neatly, scribbled "Things that make me smile" and closed the book, trying to recover gracefully from my blushing. He would take it out of my hands and read the title aloud, as I had not written myself. He actually laughed and said, "Look up." and I did. It was incredibly awkward as he stared into me. It felt like he was trying to pry open the vault that held my most dear possessions: my heart, most importantly.
Except I wouldn't budge.
I refuse to give into lust with the idea that it could one day turn into love. I have fallen prey to that ideology far too many times and gotten hurt.. every time. So unwavering, yet lacking the grace I desired, I looked back at him. I didn't want to pry into him... quite frankly, I wasn't interested. Being single has taught me that you don't engage in activities you don't intend to finish. So this boy, young man I suppose.... breaking my reverie, says to me next, "Do you know what you're doing right now?"
Well, I'm sitting in this drab room, somewhat similar to what an asylum would look like without padded walls, staring at you, someone I have wanted for months now with not a drop of emotion in me to give you....
Except I didn't say that. I smiled.
However, before I was even aware of what I was doing and why it was important, he answered the questions I was not prepared to ask,"You're smiling and I know I'm the reason why. I should be the top of that list."
I laughed and took the notebook from him, putting it aside and finding myself holding his hands, I looked back at him and wondered if he could tell that there was an internal conflict brewing within me.
The rest is history.
However, on this balmy Tuesday morning, I am finally writing the things that make me smile. However, there is no order. If I put importance to their order, I think I would not have been able to write this post. So here we go:
the smell of vanilla or cinnamon
happy endings in movies or books (real life happy endings make me smile too!)
finishing a good book
good morning texts
seeing my friends and loved ones happy
putting on pretty dresses
the thought of finding true love
|courtesy of weheartit|
So there you go. Until later,